What the Dickens – a sort of a Christmas Carol.

Scene: A farmhouse at the foot of Molum Hill. Seven togged off Santas stand shivering in the cold waiting to go for their Christmas morning run.

Bill. Where’s that Madden?

Sean He’ll be here any minute.

Bill. Wasn’t he was the fella said nine o’clock sharp.

Sean He was.

Bill And what time is it now?

Sean. Nearly twenty to ten.

Bill. Will we’ll go without him?

Sean. Hang on I’ll give him a ring.

 Scene: A terraced house in Gracedieu. The phone rings and rings until eventually a sleepy voice answers.

 Who's that? - It’s Sean - Sean who? Sean Caulfield - are you still in the bed?

I am -  where are you? - I’m where you’re supposed to be, out here at Maggies.

Oh Jaysus! -  the run! I must have slept it out. What time is it?

It’s heading for ten o’clock-  will we go without ya?

No, no - Maggie’d never forgive me, give me a few minutes – no wait - ye start off and I’ll meet you along the road.

Now where did I leave the keys of the van, Christ there must be a key fairy that takes keys and glasses and biros and hides ‘em for divilment.  Where’s my Santa hat, here this one with the plaits will do. Jesus I look like Heidi with a hangover. Right I’m off.

 Scene: A little later on the road between Lacey’s cross and the running pump. A van pulls up and a disheveled runner still half asleep, tumbles out and joins in with a group of elite, honed athletes from the parishes of Kilmacow, Mooncoin, Mullinavat and Glenmore.

 Bill. What happened Madden, wouldn’t she leave you out of the bed? Ye’d think at your age it’d be more in your line to be saying your beads.

Myself. I can assure ya I said a rosary for ye lot this morning. Slow down lads for God’s sake, have ye no respect for the elderly. Jaysus I’m stiff - here Lacey, we’ll settle in at the back.  How far are we going?

Bill. About six miles and I’m dreading every one of ‘em.

Myself. Well Owen are you doing the Christmas swim this year?

Owen. Ye, myself and Aidan are heading straight to Bonmahon.

Sean. Ye must be cracked, especially with that cold on ya all week.

PJ. Christ ye’re hardy whures alright. I did it myself one year and I didn’t warm up ‘til Easter. I remember, when the water hit my stones I thought I was going to die.

Sean. Whose house is that Bill?

Bill. That’s Seanie Dollards. Grand isn’t it.

Sean. ‘Tis a right job. Fair play to him, he looks after us well every year with the Little South Run. Young Sarah ran well this year too, didn’t she?

Myself. Hey Bill - are we not turning up Narabane?

Bill. No short cuts, we’ll head up Dangan with the rest of ‘em.

Myself. I was talking to Butch the other day, he has a grand photo of the first half marathon. I must get it off him and stick it in the paper. Keep in on the bend lads - Harneys boys, still the best bread in the country.

PJ. Hey Aidan. I heard you won the Garda cross country. I pity those poor gurriers in Clondalkin, trying to get away from you.

Aidan. They keep me in shape all right.

Sean. Is that the Mass Bush, Kathleen Laffan mentioned in her book?

Bill. ‘Tis OK. Some book isn’t it? That’ll be a collector’s item in years to come.

Myself. No sign of Wallis this morning. Probably up to his eyes with Santa - those twins are turning into right little runners.

Sean. No sign of our top female coach this morning either.

Bill. I’d say she’s not long in the bed. She does a great job with the youngsters. Begor we’re going to miss James Aylward, he deserves to have a statue erected in the Sports Complex for the amount of work he did over the years -  himself and Brendan.

Myself. Jaysus Bill, ye marked the road well, the 3 miler is still like new.

Bill. I’m tellin’ ya  Madden I’m some man. That’s Dick Mac’s house, some hurler in his day. Great man too with the electrics - ye’d leave in a starter to him and he’d have it back like new in no time. Christ there’s always a hill, slow down lads we have all day.

Myself. Only two miles to go lads. Fair play to Carmel Croke for doing the water station every year in the Little South Run. Isn’t there a great auld community spirit around all the same.

Bill. Grand water too -  ‘tis better than Ballygowan any day.

Myself.  Hard to believe water took off in this country, I remember my brother Jimmy saying he’d drink bullock’s blood before he’d buy water. Lacey’s cross, we’re nearly home - there’s the van Bill, I’ll drive up and meet you above.

Bill. Here, I’ll come with you, c’mon Sean you get in as well, that leg’ll have to be looked at. We’ll leave the speed merchants run on ahead.

 Scene. Lacey’s farmhouse Molum.

Myself. Happy Christmas Maggie, you’re like myself getting better with age.

Maggie. Get out of it Madden ya rogue, I hope you have no cameras with ya this year.

Myself. Don’t ya know by now I never leave home without one. I see Santy came. We have a little surprise for you too.

Maggie. What kind of a surprise you blackguard?

Sean. (taking a hamper out of the back of the van)  - Here Maggie you won first prize in the St Senan’s confined draw.

Maggie. What confined draw?

Sean. Well, ‘tis kinda confined to yourself. A sort of a token of our appreciation for all the slaggin’ ya get over the year from our illustrious PRO.

Maggie. That devil, where’s me stick ‘til I beat him.

Bill. Here someone take a photo. Stand in lads, Madden you stand beside Maggie, put that hamper out in front.

Jaysus lads, will ye smile…..here we go…which button is it…right I have it…